Relationship Breakdown: How Divorce Coaching Beats Waiting for Court
- fearlesscounselling
- Sep 9
- 2 min read
Too many couples wait until their relationship is at breaking point before seeking help. By then, they're often headed straight to the family court.
According to Sir Andrew McFarlane, the most senior family judge in England and Wales, approximately 20% of family court cases should not be there at all. These are not situations involving abuse or safeguarding concerns, but relationship breakdowns that could be addressed through therapy, coaching or mediation.
From my professional experience as both a divorce lawyer and now a divorce coach, I know that the cost of early support - in emotional, financial, energy and time terms - is far less than the cost of litigation.
The emotional cost to children is always significant. Sir Andrew was clear that parents are “fooling themselves” if they believe their children are unaffected by conflict. Whether they are teenagers or adults, children feel the impact.
Relationships rarely fail overnight. I've observed unhelpful patterns developing gradually over many years. With the right support, couples can acquire new skills, develop greater awareness and reframe the way they see each other. Sometimes that leads to rebuilding the relationship. Sometimes it leads to separation conducted with dignity and kindness.
While couples therapy requires both parties to be willing participants, divorce coaching works differently. I often work with just one person from the relationship - the one who recognises that change is needed. This individual approach can be particularly powerful because when one party develops new skills and perspectives, it often creates positive shifts in the relationship dynamic. You don't need your partner's agreement to start working on your part of the relationship.
The earlier you seek help, the more choices you will have. The longer you wait, the greater the cost in every respect.
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